crying like hell...again

Don't know what has gotten into me lately, but I find myself constantly in my Cassiopeia's mode and it refused to be turned off!!!! I've been watching the old videos when they are still 5, reading tons of fan fictions about them;mostly aktf genres, watching their pictures, posting their quotes on facebook & twitter, listening to their songs....and after that, I always find myself in the exact same state over and over again; that is crying myself to death T_T

It seems that I've been really tired with this waiting....sometimes I even wonder whether this worth all the the tears that I've shed...are they really worth my heart????? And then whenever, I looked back at them, my heart keep saying the same thing all over again; they are worth every ounce of time of my life...

Today, I just discover a fact that make my heart broke into pieces...I never knew that JYJ's and HoMin's had a different fandom names other than Cassiopeia....sure, it will be ignorant of me to say that I didn't know that there is a fan war going on within Cassiopeia family...but surely to call yourself as Orion (for JYJ) and Holy Shinkis (for HoMin); aren't you ashamed of yourself???? We promised ourselves that we'll protect all 5 of them no matter what...We promise that whenever they feel tired or wanting to quit, all they have to do is just look at the sky & search for the W shape, and then they'll find home...Where all those promise gone???? What do you think our oppas will feel???? Do you think they will be happy & celebrate the fact that we have turned against each others???

And now I am watching the Balloon performances that HoMin did with SHINee...That song is such a happy song, and if this 'collaboration' happen during those happy old times, I'll be grinning from ear to ear... but instead of smiling, I find myself crying again T_T Please take note that I didn't hate SHINee; in fact I love them (am a Shawol myself; although Cassiopeia gene is more in my blood), but seriously?????? Do you think that by replacing Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu with Key, Minho, Taemin and Onew (I don't know why Jonghyun was absent) will make Yunho and Changmin forget about their brothers????? I don't know what are you thinking, SME..I really don't know...

I should really stop right now...If I keep going, I don't know how much more tears will I shed....Just so you know, as long as the 5 of them are under the same sky, I'll Always Keep The Faith..

'As so you do. Our faith will be stronger.'

                  - @mjjeje (Kim Jaejoong) -

turning point of my life....

tomorrow will be the new starting point of my life..i'm no longer so-called 'penanam anggur' as tomorrow i will start the new chapter of my life a a TESL student at UKM...before getting into law foundation last year, that was my dream; to be able to become a TESL student...when i'm am accepted into law foundation at UiTM, i thought that that was just a dream and i started changing my course of direction as a law students instead..but turns out that God had something else in His mind...still, i think that i had made the right choice of accepting the offer to become a TESL student..i'll just let the God to show me the best way for me from now on....